So how does it feel to travel in Delhi Metro?
Yaar, it feels awesome.
When everyone’s in a hurry to board the metro, pushing, stepping on your foot, taking away your bag with them…as if it is the last metro that will take them to their destination. And their attempt to board the train sabse pehle begins at the platform, while waiting for it.
They forget that most of the people are already lined up in the queue…but then that guy wearing deep red shirt and black trousers, a lady in pink top and yellow trousers, oh! And don’t forget the goggles, would go straight to the front and stand at the space, technically left for the people deboarding the train. Ignoring the stupid people standing in the queue.
Stupid, they are of course, for they fail to recognise Mr. Bachchan… Ab Mr. Red shirt and Ms. Yellow pants wahan khade ho gaye toh line wahin se hi shuru hogi…hayin!
After missing the two trains, you somehow manage to board the third one…
– Adventure never ends in Delhi Metro –
As you enter the metro, you are welcomed by
Pole Dancers: These people are firmly stuck to the pole, and revolve around the pole as and when the metro banks.
Sleeping Beauties: No, No! This category doesn’t include only the ladies, who wake up early in the morning to deck themselves up like a Christmas tree, thus, losing on their beauty sleep. It also comprises the guys who are unwell and still have to go to office. Poor Souls! How do I know, you ask? They told me!
Whenever some elderly aunty asks for the seat:
Aunty: Beta, zara seat dedo.
Poor Soul: Aunty, meri tabiyat theek nahi hai, office ja kar bhi kaam karna hai.
Lo! Hum toh matar chheel ke wapis aa jate hain na.
Gamers: Excuse me, please lean on to me and continue with your candy crush, subway surfer, flappy bird…Arrey! If you are going to hold something for support, how will you play properly?! Isliye, I insist, lean on to me. Also, please let me hold your bag too, please!! You concentrate on your game. Okay? Btw, where do you have to get down, which metro station? I will inform you na. Until then, you please crush as many candies as you can, and collect as many coins. Keep them safe in the Swiss Bank.
Moti Aunties: These aunties have an eye on your comfortable position. They would slowly start leaning on to you, till your space is actually theirs and you are standing in an uncomfortable pose. Your one foot on another…and when you look at those aunties, you could see a satisfying smile.
Please don’t crush me…I don’t want to die young.
Sincerely, Your uncomfortable neighbour
Ass-Adjusters: They see no space, they know there’s no space, you know there’s no space…for them to sit, to adjust them. Even then, they would be like: “thoda udhar udhar ho jao, baithne ki space dedo” Arrey, sit on my lap na!
Smartasses: They stand at the doors of the metro, and ask everyone who wants to deboard…“aapko utarna hai kya?” And when I am asked such questions, I feel a sudden urge to punch that person on the nose for asking a lame question. I mean, are you drunk or what?
Asking if I want to deboard, eh? Of course not! I got up from my seat, came towards the door, you know why? Because metro-wale-bhaiya* will sing “Balam Pichkaari” song and I will present a dance. Doors will neither open to your left, or right. You must watch my dance!
*Metro-wale-bhaiya: Driver bhaiya who comes to the rescue when there’s a technical glitch.
“Agla-teshan-laxmi-nagar-hai. naxt-teshan-is-laxmi-nagar. Ting.”
Wait…there are more of such LOLs.
- Ladies who read their texts loudly
- And then laugh even louder
- Office Victims, boss ki burayi…boss isi coach mein hua toh?
- Ones interested in reading a book…without spending money. They would peep and keep peeping in your book. Once this man, was peeping into my book, I knew that. Suddenly, he started laughing…yes! even I found that book funny, but I didn’t laugh yaar. And when you are reading it from someone else’s book, taking advantage of your height, laughing out loud is so uncool!
- Ones who stretch their necks from behind the yellow lines, every 2 seconds, to check yeh metro abhi tak aayi kyun nahi, ab tak toh usko aa jaana chahiye tha!
And while you are struggling with these epic-lols, it is time for you to end the adventure, only to begin it again next morning!