Random Rings

Delhi Metro: An Adventure like No Other

So how does it feel to travel in Delhi Metro?

Yaar, it feels awesome.

When everyone’s in a hurry to board the metro, pushing, stepping on your foot, taking away your bag with them…as if it is the last metro that will take them to their destination. And their attempt to board the train sabse pehle begins at the platform, while waiting for it.

They forget that most of the people are already lined up in the queue…but then that guy wearing deep red shirt and black trousers, a lady in pink top and yellow trousers, oh! And don’t forget the goggles, would go straight to the front and stand at the space, technically left for the people deboarding the train. Ignoring the stupid people standing in the queue.

Stupid, they are of course, for they fail to recognise Mr. Bachchan… Ab Mr. Red shirt and Ms. Yellow pants wahan khade ho gaye toh line wahin se hi shuru hogi…hayin!

After missing the two trains, you somehow manage to board the third one…

–      Adventure never ends in Delhi Metro     –

metro

As you enter the metro, you are welcomed by

Pole Dancers: These people are firmly stuck to the pole, and revolve around the pole as and when the metro banks.

Sleeping Beauties: No, No! This category doesn’t include only the ladies, who wake up early in the morning to deck themselves up like a Christmas tree, thus, losing on their beauty sleep. It also comprises the guys who are unwell and still have to go to office. Poor Souls! How do I know, you ask? They told me!

Whenever some elderly aunty asks for the seat:
Aunty: Beta, zara seat dedo.
Poor Soul: Aunty, meri tabiyat theek nahi hai, office ja kar bhi kaam karna hai.

Lo! Hum toh matar chheel ke wapis aa jate hain na.

Gamers: Excuse me, please lean on to me and continue with your candy crush, subway surfer, flappy bird…Arrey! If you are going to hold something for support, how will you play properly?! Isliye, I insist, lean on to me. Also, please let me hold your bag too, please!! You concentrate on your game. Okay? Btw, where do you have to get down, which metro station? I will inform you na. Until then, you please crush as many candies as you can, and collect as many coins. Keep them safe in the Swiss Bank.

Moti Aunties: These aunties have an eye on your comfortable position. They would slowly start leaning on to you, till your space is actually theirs and you are standing in an uncomfortable pose. Your one foot on another…and when you look at those aunties, you could see a satisfying smile.

Dear Aunty,

Please don’t crush me…I don’t want to die young.

Sincerely, Your uncomfortable neighbour

Ass-Adjusters: They see no space, they know there’s no space, you know there’s no space…for them to sit, to adjust them. Even then, they would be like: “thoda udhar udhar ho jao, baithne ki space dedo” Arrey, sit on my lap na!

Smartasses: They stand at the doors of the metro, and ask everyone who wants to deboard…“aapko utarna hai kya?” And when I am asked such questions, I feel a sudden urge to punch that person on the nose for asking a lame question. I mean, are you drunk or what?

Asking if I want to deboard, eh? Of course not! I got up from my seat, came towards the door, you know why? Because metro-wale-bhaiya* will sing “Balam Pichkaari” song and I will present a dance. Doors will neither open to your left, or right. You must watch my dance!

*Metro-wale-bhaiya: Driver bhaiya who comes to the rescue when there’s a technical glitch.
“Agla-teshan-laxmi-nagar-hai. naxt-teshan-is-laxmi-nagar. Ting.”

Wait…there are more of such LOLs.

  • Ladies who read their texts loudly
  • And then laugh even louder
  • Office Victims, boss ki burayi…boss isi coach mein hua toh?
  • Ones interested in reading a book…without spending money. They would peep and keep peeping in your book. Once this man, was peeping into my book, I knew that. Suddenly, he started laughing…yes! even I found that book funny, but I didn’t laugh yaar. And when you are reading it from someone else’s book, taking advantage of your height, laughing out loud is so uncool!
  • Ones who stretch their necks from behind the yellow lines, every 2 seconds, to check yeh metro abhi tak aayi kyun nahi, ab tak toh usko aa jaana chahiye tha!

And while you are struggling with these epic-lols, it is time for you to end the adventure, only to begin it again next morning!

11 thoughts on “Delhi Metro: An Adventure like No Other

  1. Leo Negi

    Being an erstwhile Delhi metro commuter, there are few more adventure inducers that I am feeling compelled to share after reading this hilarious article:-
    1. Philosopher type: Quite like me, looking into people, judging them and producing lengthy discourses on human behavior in their minds only to be obliterated by a sudden entry of an attractive person, in my case, a cute girl.
    2. Love Seekers: Again like me, always hoping to bump into a cute girl and expecting god to throw some totally filmy sequence, such as metro stopping at middle of nowhere, metro getting blown by a random bomber, metro washed up a tsunami(quite outrageous to happen in Delhi) and many other ways so that i can save that particular girl and as far as rest of commuters are concerned, well they can simply die, just to make situation more tense.
    3. Fashion seekers: Hmmm, that are good shoes, i am going to buy them. Hmmm that blazer is am going to buy this month. Fashion TV you are not required anymore!
    4. Lovers- Hugging, caressing, touching, kissing, smiling etc. Yes, yes go ahead, we r not even here, Totally made in hell couples!
    5. Heartbroken: These are the ones sobbing, texting desperately, pleading, shouting, the typically after Dating phase patients.
    6. Gangs: A gang of boys looking out for a prey to fry on their ego plates. A gang of girls looking out for attention in their skimpy clothes and yes they get it….a lot.
    7. Movie Bluffs: Again i fall in this category. U can overhear them discussing about movies, their scripts, actors, scenes and every ABC of Films. They never run out of Filmy Gyan. An honorable mention-my critic friend Mohit Behl.
    8. Sociopaths: I used to look out for them and yes they are there.
    And here i can write dozens more types but i guess this much intruding should be enough from a total stranger. Enjoy Delhi metro, coz when you are not doing it, you will miss it. I miss it a lot.
    These days, I take Mumbai Locals and here we say only one thing-totally Spartan Style
    This is Mumbai Locaaaaaalllllllllllll!!!!!!!

  2. Pankaj Sharma

    Hey you kept me on the smartasses category who stands at door and keep asking “Utrana hai kya”. But kya kare .. being very humble, shy and thinkable (lagta hai bhagwan ne sari acchaiya hami me dal di ho). providing space to all girls, aunties, chacha log and the gangs of youngsters, our categories people don’t fit anywhere so they took a safe place in the corner of gate and just fit there so that no body will ask them to move or give them seat 🙂 however, we also feel quiet comfortable with this one as we don’t miss 2 trains just for seeking comfortable space for us. We can adjust anywhere in limited space too 😀 Even we don’t care what philoshophers type people be thinking for us because we can not wait for again and again a new train in a rush where in every seconds people gathering and where only last time train be providing space to going with full space. Ghar bhi jana hai, family ko time bhi dena hai and kal subah office bhi jana hai. 😀

  3. Pingback: Commuters like these… – Random Rings

Leave a Reply